Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
