Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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