oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the day after is always just damage control
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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