bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
