I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
