my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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