he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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