How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
