Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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