I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
