there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
