Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
