You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
