My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
