Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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