I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
