And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just high enough for therapy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
