True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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