would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
