In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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