i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
