Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
