I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
