we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
