Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My nipple is on Facebook.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
