NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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