You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
