I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
