Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
false alarm, still single
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
