see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
