The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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