Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
