Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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