Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
