I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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