do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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