just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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