whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
