I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize