i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
