I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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