I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
