sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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