Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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