why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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