i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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