i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
