Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
