no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've blown a few things in my day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Shame - the story of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
