**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
don't judge my taste in strippers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize