fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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