So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
