Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
