How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
