i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
worst night to have a conscience
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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