my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize