Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
