You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize