what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
