How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
