did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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