When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
