My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
