is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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