Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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