is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
