So drunk its hurt
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Michael Bay diarrhea
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
