you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She bit a glass in half.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Panties = found
Randomize
