i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
