I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
