Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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