no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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