My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
