I love having hate sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
