is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want to fling myself into the sun
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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