I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
