He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
