alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
