i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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