it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
