maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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