Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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