He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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