My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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