People in love make me want to vomit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
