Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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