I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
