The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Holy sore nipples Batman
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
