You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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