College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
