I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
