Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
