Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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