After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you had me at cake vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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