I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
