I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
