I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
