I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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