Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
