Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
