u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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