Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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