is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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