You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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