Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
