I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
did i just pee glitter
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