I'm lost and stupid without you.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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