When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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