where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
