The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
