fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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