Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The struggles of a small town man whore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think my moral compass just broke
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
