Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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