Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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